How to navigate the running community as a neurodivergent person.

Firstly it really helps to know you are neurodivergent. I was only diagnosed firstly as autistic and a few months later ADHD a year ago at the ripe old age of 52. Although I had sought the diagnosis it still oddly came as a surprise to me (although not to my family) and still can be hard to totally accept as it can feel like an excuse. I write this blog with a certainty about my diagnoses that I don’t always feel but it is part of my process of accepting this part of me.

Many people start running as a social activity. Park Run a weekly 5k event held all over the UK and beyond has done a lot to encourage activity in general and running in particular. I had seen lots of positive press about it so I tried it ONCE and never again. I am not a 5k runner so I decided to run to one of the local events 6 miles away do the 5k and then run home. I arrived and there were so many people and even worse a couple people I knew. I can’t really remember if I did talk to anyone or not it is just a blur of anxiety in my memory. I did not know where to line up for the start, what to do at the finish. I kept worrying that there were more people I should know and I was being rude ignoring them but I didn’t want to talk to any of them. I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I was also embarrassed that I was slow and probably told random people that I had run 6 miles first which may well have come across as trying to show off which again I was aware of but not sure how to balance the embarrassment of being slow with the embarrassment of being up myself. This is ridiculous as Park Run is an organisation that is incredibly inclusive and aims to encourage all runners irrespective of speed with children, people pushing buggies and people walking all joining in and encouraged as much as the people who fly by in ridiculously impressive times. Logic however did not play a part in the conversations going on in my brain and I was very relieved to be running home and vowed never to try Park Run again. I am sure many neurodivergent people get a lot out of Park Run and maybe some preparation and going with another trusted person would have made the experience easier but it’s not for me.

Coaching can be really beneficial for all runners and part of a lot of runners’ training involves group interval training. Intervals basically means short periods of running so fast you think you are going to die interspersed with recovery period where you jog, walk or lie on the ground gasping. Adding hills increases the torture. Doing this as a group helps as a the coach can set the torture agenda and peer pressure stops you giving up sobbing in a heap of misery and pain.

I started a Friday interval group. Everyone else was fast, everyone else knew each other. The group would vary in size and composition every week. It was scary but the group was small and there was little time to talk. In winter it was dark so we couldn’t really see each other which helped. I attended this group for a few years and over this time attendance dropped but it was more and more the same faces and it got easier. The little group of four regulars and the coach were all welcoming friendly people. We were all of different abilities with different strengths but no one was made to feel inadequate. The coach was equally encouraging to all and although all social interaction is an effort it was absolutely worth it and when the group stopped I really missed seeing everyone.

Online interaction is much easier for me and there was an online group which was small enough that I knew most of the people who posted regularly. Writing rather than speaking gives you time to process what the other person has said and then you can formulate your answer without pressure. They don’t know if you have gone off to make a cup of coffee or are taking time formulating an answer so the pressure is off. The other good thing about an online group is you can nerd on about your special interest with people who actually want to hear about these things without boring your friends to tears and enduring eye rolls and sighs from your family. The only problem with a good friendly online group is that it tends to get bigger and there are more and more conversations going on and it can get overwhelming. The other problem is that it can shut down. I can find it difficult sometimes meeting the people that I have chatted to easily online in person. This often happens at events and I think I can appear rude not recognising people or struggling to talk to people who I have formed a relationship with online. I can also do the opposite and talk at people without stopping and not letting them get a word in edgeways. Despite these challenges I really appreciate the running people I have met online, the advice and encouragement has been invaluable and the relationships formed even extended to me facilitating a friend getting a rescue puppy who is now living his best life with her and her family.

Events can be stressful especially with loud crowded starts. I can get stared and pointed at as I sometimes make odd sounds and do odd tics. I also have many scars which can draw attention. I used to always wear leggings but I don’t like how they feel on my legs and now I wear shorts and put up with the stares. Once we get going it is easier. I can talk to people more easily when we are running as there is no pressure to look at the person and we have readily available topics of running, races we have run or want to run, pros and cons of different running shoes, training plans and other stuff that any normal person would find immensely tedious.

One of the hardest things about interaction with other runners is the feeling of comparison and the feelings of inadequacy this can bring. I then again worry that when I talk about my running achievements it will sound as if I am boasting or giving the impression that I am a better runner than I actually am. Being accurate is very important to me and so I can give facts and figures that the other person is not interested in. One of my favourite phrases is “Comparison is the thief of joy”. This is a mantra I try to drill into my brain as I absolutely believe in it’s truth. Judgement is always going to be out there but it is my choice whether to live my life according to what I think other people think of me or what I think is right. Making the right decision is a work in progress.